When I was engaged, I became so aware of American tradition and societal norms. As my husband and I are far from conventional, I wanted to express that as much as possible. I asked myself so many questions. Why do women really wear white? Does white even work for your complexion? Do you have to get married in a church? We take on so much tradition and never challenge any of it. While on Instagram a few days ago I saw that a recently wed husband took his wife’s last name. Like why the hell not?!
Why aren’t we creating our own traditions? Just as fashion and personal style serve as forms of self expression, so should our rituals and traditions. I’ve been searching for ways to further define myself and my family.
I would love for my family to have an annual road trip or if we all went skateboarding together on the first warm Spring day after a long Winter. I have a personal tradition of going on vacation for my birthday every year. While on vacation I just like to reflect on my year and all that I want to do, be and see in the coming year.
Our personal rituals should enrich our lives and make us a better person. Whether they make us more organized, a bit more relaxed or simply more present, we should be saying yes to more rituals! I’ve created a morning ritual for myself which consists of the following:
- Saying a small prayer as soon as I turn my alarm off.
- Setting my intention for the day.
- Checking my daily horoscope.
- Working our for 30 minutes to an hour before work.
- Listening to my favorite podcasts while working out or on the way to work.
I find the saying a prayer as soon as you rise, helps you start your day off with gratitude. My podcasts are a major source of inspiration for me and working out just gives me a burst of energy! I love mornings and am hoping that I can expand my AM routine very soon. What are some of your morning routines?
“I become very territorial about my identity because it’s been hijacked by so many people, with their own projections.” -Ruth Negga
Have you ever met someone and wonder why they try so hard to discredit you, challenge you or try to dim that bright light that makes you so special? What type of energy exists within someone where they exhibit this behavior? Sure, it's easy to blame jealousy (which is a valid reason as to why someone may want to dim your light) but what about inadequacy and life traumas?
With feelings of inadequacy, I find that there is someone in a person's circle of friends, family or colleagues who can do or feel something that they cannot. When I say do or feel, I mean that the more adequate person is genuinely happy or has a special skill that this person wishes they had. This person who they consider more adequate is usually the target of passive aggressive behavior and/or verbal or physical abuse. When one feels inadequate, their negative behavior towards the more adequate people in their lives is not about the individual but more about how they view themselves.
Are you familiar with the term "life trauma"? Life traumas or psychological traumas involve unique experiences when one has felt alone, abused, overwhelmed or defeated. Unlike normal traumas that we face everyday, life traumas leave a severe impact on our lives, how we view ourselves and how we communicate, relate and interact with others. Some examples include childhood bullying, loss of a loved one, betrayal of trust, abuse of power, rape, molestation, evictions, natural disasters, etc.
Traumas are all about the experience of the survivor. Some are able to live through traumas with ease while others may become substance abusers, depressed, develop personality disorders and anxiety. The survivors who have trouble coping after their traumas have personalities that manifest in our lives in many different ways: the mean co-worker, the unreliable friend, the difficult spouse.
We all know someone who exhibits behavior like the aforementioned personalities. The next time that you're having a disagreement with someone or made to feel less than, remember that this may be someone recreating abuse that they have experienced or coping with not feeling good enough. How they treat you has nothing to do with you! Read below for tips on how to cope with the difficult folks in your life:
How To Cope With Difficult Personalities
- Advocate for yourself always! If you feel disrespected or mistreated, always speak up and share your thoughts in a healthy way. Remember that everyone is not built to handle confrontation - approach each situation differently and be sensitive to the other person's feelings (even if they weren't to yours).l
- Be honest. Strong or difficult personalities can be scary to some and intimidating to others. Any fear that you may feel towards them is not real ya know?! In order for this person to heal, they need an honest account of what they do and how it makes others feel.
- Don't let them bring you down. Did you know that some people like negative energy just as much as positive energy? Never give them the satisfaction of seeing you sad or angry. Brush the pettiness off and keep it moving. They don't define you anyway!
- Lead by example. Show them true grace, resilience and confidence -- it may rub off on them.
- Show them love. Let them know how great they are and focus on what they do well. A genuine compliment always goes a long way!
How do you cope with difficult personalities? Chime in below!
Queasy and exhilarating. Your body electrifies with potential. The warmth of success fills your veins. At that moment, there is no more hoping, for you have achieved something grand.
Maybe you achieved a goal or are on the receiving end of an amazing opportunity. You defied the odds, outshined the competition, proved the world wrong. Doesn't it feel beautiful? No words can truly describe those surreal moments, but you are familiar with how it feels to win.
But how does it feel when we lose? Are we numb? Do we begin to doubt ourselves? Are we withdrawn or hurt? Where is our appetite? Why did we isolate ourselves? Is the shame that we feel real or just a figment of our imaginations?
We all deal with failure and life's obstacles in different ways. Some of us move on fairly quickly while others escape reality (drugs, alcohol, busy schedule, etc.) or develop self-doubt and insecurity.
Failure fucking hurts. There is no way of getting around that. Those feelings are true and valid and you should honor them when felt. However, we shouldn't dwell on unfavorable events that occur to us. Here's a few reasons why:
Failure Is Divine
Take a moment and think of all of the jobs that you have had over the years. Did you ever stop to think that you getting the position meant that someone else wouldn't? Sometimes, other people need certain blessings more than we do. Or you may find that the opportunity was a bad fit and would have given you more trouble down the line.
Failure manifests into the following afirmations:
- Not right now.
- Not this way.
- Let's learn from this.
Obstacles ask these questions:
- Do you have faith that things will STILL work out?
- Are you learning how to/how not to go about this for future reference?
- Should this be your focus right now?
- How patient and persistent are you?
- Can you create a solution for this problem?
Failure/obstacles are divine because they protect us from unfavorable outcomes, events and circumstances that we cannot see. They also teach, train and nurture us to be better people.
Think of a time that you couldn't find your car keys and later discovered that you avoided an accident or if you weren't approved for a business loan but later discovered and received an amazing grant that covered your startup expenses.
Think of all the businesses that have been founded as a solution to a problem or need!
No Pain Lasts Forever
Tattoos hurt like hell, but the pain soon becomes a distant memory. Every time that I get a new piece, I'm reminded of this!
Failure is the same way, it hurts so bad at the moment when things go wrong. Time passes and things either get better or you focus on creating a solution for your problem.
You look back on those unfavorable moments and think of how you survived them. Don't you feel triumphant?
Life Has Too Many Ups and Downs..
...so be as emotionally intelligent as you can! Every unfortunate situation that happens to you is not a tragedy. You're also not the only person on earth who has experienced failure. Stay as positive as you possible. As life goes on, you will evolve and learn to appreciate the wrongs that didn't go right.
How do you cope with obstacles and failure?
Have you ever headed to the airport to catch a flight on a cloudy day? Your flight takes off. You rise above the gray clouds and see the sun. That's how life is, lady.
The sun is always a few clouds away. Don't let any obstacles get the best of you. Everything that you've been working for is coming your way, even if you can't see it. Be patient.