I've been going through a bit of female drama for the past few years. This drama has influenced my decision to temporarily not start any new friendships. I need time to process why it is so hard for me to maintain friendships when I try my absolute best.
Let me explain what usually happens. I connect with someone that I really like, we get on well, we do nice things for each other, then "it" happens. "It" being an underhanded comment about me, my family or my life ("Styling, is that a real job?", "I hope your life is as good as it looks like on Instagram!", "Your husband let's you wear clothes like that out of the house?"). The comment is usually awkward or out of line, but I ignore it in hopes of not taking anything too personal. The comments gradually intensify, then their actions begin to speak louder than their words.
In college, I remember two of my closest friends giving me an ultimatum. If I kept hanging out with another girl that we went to school with, we couldn't be friends. I chose to end the friendship because no one governs who I choose to surround myself with. I spoke to one of the two friends recently and she said, "I have no regrets in life except for ending our friendship. You were always there for me when I really needed you." When we finally get together soon, I want to know why she felt so strongly about not accepting me for who I was at that time. Was it because we were younger and immature? Was it possessiveness?
I spoke about this female dilemma with a friend who came to visit a few weeks ago. She said that a lot of my issues with women that I associate with may be insecurity within them that manifests in a lot of different ways. Are some women really that insecure with themselves that they have to tear someone down or participate in unnecessary passive aggressive behavior with "friends"? And if so, what part of tearing someone down actually makes them feel good about themselves?
I know so many beautiful, intelligent and accomplished women and I just want to believe that this isn't the case! My husband (who never gets into my female drama) has even commented about the "switch-up" that I experience so often -- when a friends turns to foe.
I'm protecting my energy by any means necessary now. If it doesn't feel right, I'm not doing it. If someone gives me a vibe, I'm listening to it.
What has your experiences been with cultivating adult friendships with women? Chime in below in the comments!